FOLSOM by Diane Crotty #TinyPlayChallenge

Keep your creativity flowing with Fishamble's #TinyPlayChallenge
In these challenging times, Fishamble - along with many of our colleagues in the wider Irish artistic community - is working hard to keep imaginations lively, communities engaged - and most of all offer people the opportunity of creative expression. We asked our audiences: Would you welcome the challenge of exploring your thoughts and feelings through drama? Do you have a dramatic story that you feel the urge to work out for yourself, and maybe share with your fellow citizens?
​Below is one of the chosen plays from our weekly submissions.

FOLSOM by DIANE CROTTY

A modern supermarket, very early in the morning. MICHELLE (35) at the door and KAYLEIGH (18) at the cashier's desk, spinning around on her chair. Both women are pregnant and wearing gloves and facemasks. Muzak plays in the background.

KAYLEIGH: I’m just saying. If you had to.

MICHELLE: I wouldn’t.

KAYLEIGH: But if you had to. Like, there’s someone with a gun to your head and there’s an asteroid coming towards Dublin and you’ve no idea if you’ll see tomorrow-

MICHELLE: Jesus, KAYLEIGH. And stop swinging on that chair, you’ll break it.

KAYLEIGH: No I won’t.

MICHELLE: Yes you will.

KAYLEIGH: No I won’t.

MICHELLE: Yes you- Fine. Jordan. I’d trade Jordan.

She steps outside.

MICHELLE: Leave that feckin’ bin alone!

She re-enters.

MICHELLE/KAYLEIGH: Bastards.

KAYLEIGH: So you’d trade Jordan? Is he the one with the streaks?

MICHELLE: No, that’s my eldest. That’s Ethan. Jordan is the next. He was just starting first year when…

KAYLEIGH: Oh. But why would you trade him?

MICHELLE: Look… I love my children. I love all my children very, very much and I am
very grateful to have them around.

KAYLEIGH: But..?

MICHELLE: But. Good Christ in heaven, Jordan has been a feckin’ pain in the hoop since they closed the schools down. He keeps trying to scale the back wall of the garden and make a break for it. He keeps calling his room “Folsom,” and telling his little sister that he’s going to the electric chair, and that she will follow him. He will not reveal why. Says it’s, “need to know.” And the music, Christ, the music…

KAYLEIGH: Is it, like, heavy metal or something?

MICHELLE: God, no. I wouldn’t mind that. Like a bit of Metallica, me. No, the devious little git keeps playing ABBA. He managed to get his hands on my phone and change the feckin ringtone to Dancing Queen . His father’s is now Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. It’s like living in Guantanamo Bay. In the seventies. Trapped in a polyester sack. With a Bond villain. Shower of Scandinavian fuckwits…

KAYLEIGH: Feck.

MICHELLE: Yeah. Feck. Little git. You’d know he’s mine.

KAYLEIGH: So what would you trade him for?

MICHELLE: Right now? A bit of peace and bloody quiet.

KAYLEIGH: Plenty of that here.

MICHELLE: Wait til the old dears wake up. What about you? Would you trade yours?

KAYLEIGH: Right now I’d trade anything for having no more sore feet and no more running to the feckin’ jax. And obviously, you know, no more…

MICHELLE: That’s very worthy.

KAYLEIGH: I know! Ah, I’m only messing. I wouldn’t really.

MICHELLE: You say that now, love. You say that now…

She looks out, sees something.

MICHELLE: Only Organic is on his way over. I can see that mangy mutt of his limping after him. Back to work.

KAYLEIGH: Back to work.

KAYLEIGH double checks her change.

KAYLEIGH: MICHELLE? I know you wouldn’t really do it.

MICHELLE: I know, love. But Christ, sometimes you’re tempted…

She steps outside.

MICHELLE: Jesus wept! You’ll have to tie the dog up before you come in, Mr. Hardy. I’ve told you before.

KAYLEIGH presses a kiss to her fingers and places them against her bump.

KAYLEIGH: Back to work, baba.
​
She swings around once more on the chair and then puts away her phone. MICHELLE re-enters and laughs. Muzak swells, some Johnny Cash tune.

Blackout.



Diane Crotty is a Dublin-based playwright, dramaturg, director and performer. She makes work for adults as well as children. Writing credits include RISK (New Theatre as part of the 2016 Dublin Fringe), Absolute Beginners (New Theatre as part of the 2017), Spandex Blues (Smock Alley 2016), Dragonscales (Smock Alley as part of Collaborations 2015) and A Very Zombie Fairytale (The Exchange 2012, revived as part of 10 Days in Dublin 2013). Directing credits include BASH (Out of Time Theatre, 2018), RISK, A Very Zombie Fairytale, Shadowskin (Siteation 2012) and Measure for Measure (La Cathedral Studios 2011). She is a graduate of both TCD and UCD, and a member of TYA Ireland. Last year she was a recipient of the Axis Bursary through Axis, Ballymun, for her play for younger, neurodiverse audiences. It’s called The Silent-Hearted Princess.

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